Reflections: In Search of a Thrill
As a songwriter, it is not uncommon for me to work on a song so long that it loses its original connection for me, at least for a time. When recording and producing a track it’s easy to get caught up in the technicalities so that I begin to view it as a finished product, judging it mostly on its sonic value. But eventually, I move past that phase and begin to hear it with fresh ears again and remember. This happens at a different rate for each song, and most recently with the song, In Search of a Thrill, from my album, Bewilder.
While listening to this track a few days ago, I was brought back to the period of my life in which I wrote it. Lucky for me, I actually documented my thoughts at the time in a blog post (titled the same). It was 2016 and I had recently moved back to Michigan after almost seven years of living in San Diego. It was a wonderful season of my life in California, but due to changing circumstances, I was growing increasingly restless from a lack of clear purpose. It was in seeking direction in prayer that I felt called to make the move in the first place, a decision that was not easy but that I had great peace about.
My first year living in West Michigan is a blur. I felt invisible. I didn’t know a soul in this part of the state and so I felt an even greater disconnection from life. I remember thinking that if I left not one person would ever know I was here. Once I bought my house I began to think more seriously of putting down roots. You have to understand what a revelation it was for me to buy a house — gypsy soul that I was. The idea of anything even being semi-permanent mostly scared me because I hated the idea of being tied down. I wanted to always be ready to move on to the next great adventure and owning a home seemed like a prison, but for the first time, I was beginning to view homeownership differently.
So what was I doing planting roots while simultaneously yearning for something more out of life? Didn’t excitement lie in the unencumbered unknown? Well, my future was certainly that and if a thrill was what I was in search of, well, I’ll just join the millions of those who have breathed the words, “Be careful what you wish for.” I honestly had no idea what was in store for me. Certainly, I took the initiative to make it so, but even at that, there are some things in life you absolutely can’t plan. And shortly after I wrote the blog and song my life became an absolute whirlwind of extreme highs and lows.
I’m still in the midst of the cyclone and have no idea where I am going to land, but one thing is just about certain — I’ll probably write a song about it. Though one thing I have found utterly fascinating as a result of all this is how much my wanderlust has died off. Perhaps that is some indication that I found what I’d been searching for after all, and it’s nothing if not thrilling.
IN SEARCH OF A THRILL
Written by Jakki Jelene
Day after day
hour by hour
I’m in a rut
My life has turned sour
Tired of the status quo
Everything I already know
I could use a change
Something exciting and strange
So I’m in search of a thrill
Some kind of enticement
In search of a thrill
Some kind of excitement
I try to be behave
But to find the adventure I crave
It’s so hard to be bold and be brave
Time after time
minute by minute
I’m feeling drained
Cuz my heart just ain’t in it
Tired of the status quo
Everything I already know
I could use a change
Something exciting and strange
So I’m in search of a thrill
Some kind of enticement
In search of a thrill
Some kind of excitement
I try to be behave
But to find the adventure I crave
It’s so hard to be bold and be brave
I’m not looking for a new life
I’m not looking for a way out
I just need a little time away
To satisfy this growing restlessness
I could use a change
Something exciting and strange
So I’m in search of a thrill
Some kind of enticement
In search of a thrill
Some kind of excitement
I try to be behave
But to find the adventure I crave
It’s so hard to be bold and be brave
