A Willing Sacrifice?
What is the absolute worst thing that can happen to a singer? The answer is pretty simple — to lose their voice. Well, unfortunately, this has been my experience the past few weeks and although it has recovered to some degree, I am still struggling. At this point, I don’t know if I just need more time to rest it or if I will need it looked at. God knows I use my voice a lot, and even now I am still singing regularly, but nowhere near full capacity. Truthfully, I’m scared. Scared that it could be something more serious or that it won’t ever fully recover. Because what then?
To contemplate this possibility is more distressing than I can convey. So much of who I am is wrapped up in my love of music. Not only my own personal expression but also in many of the ways I serve God. I am almost ashamed to even admit that I’m struggling with my voice because deep down I somehow believe it affects my usefulness. It’s as though my identity is at stake. But this struggle and subsequent line of thinking has also forced me to ponder some heavy questions. What if I lost my voice completely and could never sing again? How would others view me? How would I view myself? But more importantly, how would God view me? Intellectually I know my identity is in Christ first and foremost, but if I’m being honest, I would feel like I lost a major part of who I am and my purpose. To take my voice would be nothing short of devastating. To no longer experience the pleasure of singing could also potentially rob me of a lifetime of joy. After all, it is one of most significant ways I express my passion!
So as of right now, things aren’t as bleak as all that, but if nothing else, it is forcing me to do some self-examination. Is it possible I have made my voice an idol? Am I prepared to lay it down if God required it, and willingly so? Is this the thing I am going to allow to define my worth or am I going to hold fast to what I know is my true identity and value? It’s imperative that I answer these questions correctly as there is only one response by which I can truly be at peace no matter what may come. Because although my voice may come back stronger than ever at any moment, and Praise God if it does, the next time it might be something else of great value that God requires me to sacrifice; my home, a job, my eyesight…even loved ones. Then what? Now is an opportunity to purpose in my heart what my attitude will be. Now is the time to decide if my relationship with Christ is enough even in the face of agonizing loss.
Like Abraham, I must be willing to take the thing I treasure, carry it up that hill and lay it on the altar and trust God, in His infinite grace and wisdom, to use it for His glory. After all, God Himself was willing to sacrifice His own perfect son on the cross for the sake of my soul, so anything He would require of me would pale in comparison. Admittedly, it may still be painful, but as Believers, we also look forward to a day where all will be redeemed. Our loss is only temporary!
That is where my true hope is found!
That is where my true identity lies!
