Loving One Another

I was looking back on some Facebook posts of mine when I was still a relatively new member of my current church, Kent City Baptist. My gratitude and enthusiasm are very evident in them as I was oh-so-grateful to find a church home in Grand Rapids and for the incredibly beautiful brothers and sisters that God was bringing into my life. While I was reflecting on my experience at that time, I realized something; the relationship you have with your church family is not unlike any other relationship you build.

In the beginning, there are only warm, fuzzy feelings of euphoria. You see everything through rose-colored glasses and focus almost solely on the positive attributes. You idealize everything and are blind to the negatives. Some people stay in that phase for years, content to keep things on the surface, while others eventually get bored and move onto something new and exciting. But for those who begin to invest, as you continue to get more involved and develop your relationships with people in the church, you begin to gain greater insight into the whole package—the good, the bad, and the ugly. This is where the real test of the relationship begins.

Some people at this point will feel disillusioned, perhaps even deceived. It turns out their perfect church and all the people in it are broken and not worth the effort or patience required for working through conflicts, waiting on change, or God forbid, a bit of self-reflection. In other cases, the dysfunction in a church is so great that it becomes necessary to leave, but more times than not it’s an attitude of there being “plenty of other fish in the sea.” For those people, it’s time to split up and play the field. This can be devastating because whether people realize it or not, they leave a huge hole. There is often unfinished business and all the people who cared for you are left feeling hurt and confused, wondering what went wrong. And just like people who are prone to getting into a string of bad relationships, many times those who leave when things become challenging go on to experience the same cycle in the next church they attend.

But then there are those who understand no church is perfect. In spite of the flaws, they allow their affections to increase. They take their commitment seriously and because of the time and energy they have already invested, the love grows deeper and more meaningful. They are compassionate to those they have built relationships with and offer grace when conflicts arise, are willing to serve, not demanding their own way but willing to make allowances because harmony is a greater priority. They learn to work through disagreements and personality differences, emerging stronger, wiser, more mature, and greatly bonded as a result. That kind of love is perhaps not so euphoric, but it’s steadfast and true—a reflection of Christ’s love for His bride.

This is where I’m at…I suppose you could say I’m past the honeymoon stage now. While I still have an enormous amount of gratitude and enthusiasm as I did before, it’s with a greater understanding of how precious it really is to me. Yes, I have had to face some challenges and shortcomings, but I have seen many resolutions. Yes, there are sometimes personality conflicts and disagreements, but I’ve also experienced true, authentic relationships as a result and learned to appreciate those different than me. Yes, I have addressed some concerns, but I too have learned and developed spiritually. And you know what? I can honestly say I love my church and the people in it more than ever and want to be a blessing in their life as they have been in mine.

Perhaps it isn’t always so. Some people give years of their life to a church only to be abused and mistreated. Sometimes the church chooses to leave their first love, no longer adhering to sound doctrine. A divorce may be in order, but that decision should never be taken lightly. Due to our fickle tendencies as Americans, many of us don’t know how to be longsuffering and endure when things no longer suit our needs and desires. But as the old adage goes, “You reap what you sow”, and those who mistakenly abandon ship prematurely miss out on God’s grand design for the church and all the benefits that accompany it as a result; community, support, encouragement, a sense of purpose, and accountability (to name a few). But most of all, a chance to partake in being a witness for the one true God! 💝

“By this everyone will know that you are my disciples if you love one another.” (John 13:35)

“Together, we are his house, built on the foundation of the apostles and the prophets. And the cornerstone is Christ Jesus himself. We are carefully joined together in him, becoming a holy temple for the Lord.” (Ephesians 2:20-21)

P.S. The photo of my church family is still one of my favorites of all-time, taken at our 150th Anniversary celebration in 2018 (you can spot me on the far left in the red shirt 😊).